How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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