I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He passed out mid-signature
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
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I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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