he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
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Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
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"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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