You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize