On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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