my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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