well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
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I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
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There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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