Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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