I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize