he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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