i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
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Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
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Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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