I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
two words...techno handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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