Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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