you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize