you win again, gameday.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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