Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize