So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
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He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
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I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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