Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
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My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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