In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
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Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
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I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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