im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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