my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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