My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
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Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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