I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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