I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
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