I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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