why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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