Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
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My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
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I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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