his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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