Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize