There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize