Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
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Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
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I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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