Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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