too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize