I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
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My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
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Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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