If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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