We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
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