I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize