I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
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Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
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I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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