I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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