i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
