i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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