At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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