Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
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see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
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I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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