remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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