I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
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he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
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I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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