i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
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Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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