If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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