I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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