I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize