Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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