I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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